Not so happily ever after as Indian divorce rate doubles - BBC News
Questions Engaged Couples Should Discuss Before Marriage Photo: Riko Pictures / Getty Images "happily-ever-after" or "love conquers all," problems in the marital relationship may surface within a short time after the wedding. Do you think we will have problems with your family during the holidays?. Arranged marriage is a type of marital union where the bride and groom are selected by individuals other than the couple themselves, particularly by family members, such as the parents. Depending on culture, a professional matchmaker may be used. ¨ Arranged marriages have historically been prominent in many cultures. .. The bride-wealth is typically kept by the bride's. It's wedding season in India, but the country's divorce rate has Image caption Most of those splitting up are members of the thriving, urban middle class Traditionally these were arranged by the two families and the weight of into a relationship to fix the issues Dr Geetanjali Sharma, Marriage counsellor.
These items are usually returnable if the match does not proceed: In those scenarios, families customarily cooperate to eliminate any trace of a matchmaking conversation between them.
Meeting prospective spouses[ edit ] If the prospective partners express a desire to meet or if the families are enthusiastic about a potential match, it is customary for the prospective groom's family to visit the prospective bride's family. It is traditional for the boy's family to arrive with the boy and be seated with the entire girl's family except the girl, who then makes a dramatic entrance dressed in fine clothes, often bringing tea and refreshments. This practice is sometimes called "seeing the girl" and has been attacked by some Indian and Pakistani feminists as a classic instance of gender-bias and the objectification of women.
The families usually part after this initial meeting without any commitment made by either side and with the expectation that they will confer separately and send word through the matchmaker should they be interested in pursuing matters.
These meetings are understood to be non-exclusive, i. There is an expectation of total confidentiality. If there is interest from both sides, the matchmaker passes the word to them. If the families are unfamiliar with each other or live in areas far apart, they will frequently launch inquiries through their social and kin networks, attempting to gather as much independent information as possible about the prospective partner.
Since urban Indian nuclear families often lack these extensive networks, many private detective agencies have begun to offer "matrimonial investigation services" since the s, which investigate the personal and professional histories of a prospective spouse for a fee. Families usually attempt to maintain a high level of cordiality in these interactions, often invoking the idea of sanjog predestined relationship, roughly equivalent to the idea that "marriages are made in heaven" to defuse any sense of rancor or rejection.
In urban areas, the future spouses are often expected to go out on dates and develop a romantic relationship in the period between their engagement and their wedding. Though dating may not be socially permissible, nonetheless the couple may talk over the phone.
Willoughby further suggests that parents and family provide more than input in the screening and selection process; often, they provide financial support for the wedding, housing, emotional support and other valuable resources for the couple as they navigate past the wedding into married life, and help raise their children.
Michael Rosenfeld says  that the differences between autonomous marriages and arranged marriages are empirically small; many people meet, date and choose to marry or cohabit with those who are similar in background, age, interests and social class they feel most similar to, screening factors most parents would have used for them anyway. Assuming the pool from which mates are screened and selected is large, Rosenfeld suggests that the differences between the two approaches to marriages are not as great as some imagine them to be.
The global divorce rate for arranged marriages was 6. Others suggest that the low divorce rate may not reflect stability, rather it may reflect the difficulty in the divorce process and social ostracism to the individuals, who choose to live in a dysfunctional marriage rather than face the consequences of a divorce. There is a difference in observed divorce rates between various types of arranged marriages.
Love and respect in arranged versus autonomous marital life[ edit ] Various small sample surveys have been done to ascertain if arranged marriages or autonomous marriages have a more satisfying married life. The results are mixed - some state marriage satisfaction is higher in autonomous marriages, others find no significant differences.
Epstein suggests that in many arranged marriages, love emerges over time.
India grants divorce to man whose wife refused to live with in-laws
Even though I'm a Maharashtrian and he's from Kashmir, there was no Hindu-Muslim binary between us or the families. My family members attended the wedding and so did his. Between andwe mostly lived in Kashmir. I worked as a teacher and Parvez focused on filmmaking.
Arranged marriage in the Indian subcontinent
We have two daughters, both in their early twenties. In Srinagar, people just take you in and they'll never ask you a penetrating question. There was no need to imbibe a new religion, but customs yes, and I enjoyed that. In Srinagar, once some men had come to our house and they asked Parvez if I prayed.
- 'The objection came from the community'
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- 'We will let our daughter decide her religion'
My family and Parvez told them it's none of their business and that was the end of it. Surabhi There was a couple of experiences, though. Before our marriage, I remember people in the neighbourhood would ask Parvez about his intention in marrying me.
And in Srinagar, once some men had come to our house and they asked Parvez if I prayed. But some of my students [in interfaith relationships] have written about not finding places to rent. If I could sum up how well our families took it, then there could be no better example then my father. He would visit us in Kashmir every year until he died. I think he fell in love with Kashmir too. We have had to leave our families, our homes, our friends - just everything behind to get married. We fell in love with each other when we were in school.
Nobody knew about it other than our friends. We knew it would bring trouble if people came to know a Hindu boy and Muslim girl were going out together. Our friends teased us about it.
And one day, eventually, both our families found out. There was a lot of trouble, especially at her home.
Arranged marriage in the Indian subcontinent - Wikipedia
Her brothers had locked her up. Our families are still on the lookout for us, we don't want them to find us. We just want to live peacefully.
Tejveer We both tried to convince them. We tried for months but nothing came of it. Both our families were too stubborn, so we knew we had to run away from them.