What Do INFJs Want in a Relationship?
I am an INFJ who only discovered my type a year ago, but I haven't been able to read enough about personality theory since. As soon as I was able to use it to. This is one of the biggest issues for INFJs in relationships. I can only speak from a woman's experience, but I am sure the same is applicable to. This may be especially true for INTJs and INFJs, who both tend to have big ambitions but occasional problems with implementation. Thankfully.
Intuition-Intuition We enjoy discussing big ideas and solving the worlds troubles over dinner. We have similar views on the big things and occasionally disagree. I appreciate the viewpoint he brings to the conversation as he is very rational and everything seems to be black and white to him sometimes, which boggles my righteous, overly humanitarian mind. We enjoy talking about the future.
Him more so than me as I appear to be the risk averse one. I have attributed this to the ordinary fears of an INFJ when in any intense relationship. We do seem to lack interest in everyday living. I cannot say that I spend that much time obsessing over the ironing or the washing.
Mind you, until earlier this year, my dear boyfriend had existed on this earth without owning an iron. We are both young professionals and I suspect a large part of our desire to succeed in our careers is so that we can hire a few assistants in later life. Thinking-Feeling So this is where we start to diverge.
Me and my boyfriend are both introverted intuitive types. However, we externalise our introverted intuitive perceptions differently.
The Surprising Thing About Dating an INTJ, as an INFJ
The primary difference comes down to Thinking vs Feeling. For the majority of the time, our temperaments are similar. Everything can be packaged in his little Thinker head. He is one of the few people I know who can take criticism and make an action plan from it without taking offence. I call him Action Plan Man. He tackled the problem with military precision and would completely phase out for an hour a day whilst completing the mission.
He asked for my input throughout the whole process and he took all my feedback well and continued on his little mission. I cannot speak for him on this matter without tooting my own horn. Sometimes I notice how straightforward with me he is and have to remember not to take offence because a large part of the internalisation is to do with INFJs being sensitive to all emotions. So when my thinker boyfriend says something bluntly without meaning anything ill at all, it always evokes a larger than expected reaction from me.
In this respect I do believe that this is where we are well balanced. Between us we are ablate gain a lot of different perspectives before making important decisions.
- Introduction: Conflictors in Type
- Friday October 14, 2016
- 3 thoughts on “The Surprising Thing About Dating an INTJ, as an INFJ”
I do not like conflict and sometimes will go to great lengths to avoid this. It sometimes makes the situation more complicated than normal.
INTJ Tips for Working with INFJs (The H3 Interaction Model) | Marc Carson's INTJ Psychology Blog
We normally just laugh it off. There is a lot of affection in the relationship. I think he clocked on early on that this was my language of love and he has been exemplary. Likewise, I also have to be very straightforward with him about my feelings as this is the way he receives my show of affection better. Judging-Judging We like to use calendars to organise ourselves. If it is not in our calendars, it is not happening. The other sends an invite and we accept or decline accordingly.
It really is that simple. We are both opinionated, but this somehow has not been an issue because we are both always willing to compromise or budge. We both like to resolve matters and have been successful at each stage.
The challenge of getting to know the real him was an interesting and enjoyable one. Maybe the law of attraction cannot be boiled down to what our archetypes are and people are different. We both have the same outlook on life and are willing to put in the work. It could just be that simple!
June 6, at Please upload the coordinates of all INFJ females in the continental United States ranked by ability to withstand emotional trauma from dutch ovens. June 7, at But the rest of it is ACES. I am utterly trampled over emotionally by people who are that bombastic.INTJ Male on Dating an INFJ Female
Intuition by itself can lead to groundless arguments and alienation. Try to see things from their POV.
INFJs will often pull original concepts—sometimes surprisingly original concepts, out of a hat. Original concepts can be really fun, even if we do put effectiveness aside for a little bit.
They still value your input. They may not speak the language, but they want to hear it! INFJs will tend to punish themselves, and nobody wants that.
Allow extra time for getting the INFJ to let their feelings out. They usually need help with this, as their key cognitive problem solving method is the expression of feelings. Harmonize The help you give in Part 1 needs to take place under a layer of relationship harmony, or you risk coming off as fake or even harmful to the creative process.
The INTJ will need to begin to communicate their own needs or thoughts, and for maximum effect, this should be done with the goal to harmonize as much as possible while meeting the needs of everyone in the group, including oneself.
Give all feedback in a sensitive way. The colors, everything just works. Is there anything we can do about that? Use very light language, explain how you feel rather than saying how it is. INFJs are not huge detail people.
As long as their vision has been captured, add-on ideas will often go either unnoticed or uncared about. In this way there is often plenty of space for a compromise.
INFJ-INTJ: The Dark Horse of Ideal INFJ Relationships – Youtopia Project
Allow for the INFJ to act as irrationally as it appears to you as they need to. Remember that their logic function is very subjective, and builds from the ground up rather than building on existing frameworks.
Heal Healing is the outer shell that needs to surround this entire process or experience. Remember that your key leverage points with an INFJ will involve extraverted feeling—putting yourself in their shoes.
Listen actively and draw out more when you can. Noticing when the INFJ is getting you to talk about you for a long time, and calling them out on it. Ask and make it your job to turn on their problem-solving, feeling-expressing verbal skills. Remembering their birthday and saying something about it Example: Reminding the INFJ at some interval that you have been thinking about them, or the project, or a shared experience.
Did the INFJ take a big step? Tell them you were impressed. Help them know that their contributions are noticed. It would be most useful to drop any perfectionism to which you hold yourself, during this process.
INFJ-INTJ: The Dark Horse of Ideal INFJ Relationships
You may find it useful to employ a spreadsheet or calendar reminders throughout this process. Make sure you are making time in life to use your own gifts. What are you learning from the INFJ? What kind of research could be done to expand that?