Parent child relationship articles for men

parent child relationship articles for men

But the importance of nurturing father-daughter and mother-son relationships cannot be overstated, For a girl, Dad is usually the man in her life for many years. Roy Masters states that male homosexuality is an emotional/mental disorder caused by poor father-son relationships. Masters is a stress management expert . J Consult Clin Psychol. Aug;41(1) Parent-child relationships and sexual identity in male and female homosexuals and heterosexuals. Thompson NL.

As you read, consider the following questions: How does Masters distinguish between racism and criticism of homosexuality? What basic family pattern leads to homosexuality, according to Masters? Why is the father so important to the family, according to the author? The question of whether homosexuality is caused by life's experience or is an inborn quality is, indeed, an extremely sensitive subject.

The topic invokes strong emotion and prejudice, no matter which side one takes. Like abortion, it seems to be one of America's almost unsolvable problems. To understand the causes of homosexuality, a great deal of objectivity and compassion are required. As is the case with so many other forms of aberrant behavior, we are dealing with victims who are in denial that they are victims. The very concept of gay pride was, of course, in imitation of racial minorities' call for ethnic pride in the '60's.

However, the difference between the two is obvious to most Americans. One is simply a racial matter, but the other is behavioral. Of course, homosexual organizations deny that being gay is a behavioral problem because their claim to political power is based on convincing the country that being critical of homosexuality is equivalent to being racist.

parent child relationship articles for men

In order to make that stick, they must first convince the public that gays were born that way and that their inclinations have nothing to do with upbringing or moral choice.

Sickness and Denial Thus homosexuals have been drawn into their sickness, siding with their torment rather than face the painful truth about their troubled childhood. Denial is a powerful thing for any individual to overcome. But added to this problem is the fact that the whole gay movement is there to be supportive of a deviant lifestyle.

Such unhealthy support groups are common in our society and are, sadly, very effective in keeping people from finding themselves. Of course, these organizations believe that they are helping and being compassionate. But in reality, they provide the troubled individual with all the excuses and rationalizations he could ever need to justify his aberrant lifestyle.

parent child relationship articles for men

Often, these organizations are simply after power The average person is unaware of the depth and breadth of the childhood traumas that have formed his adult modus operandi. It is very important not to underestimate the effect parents can have on their children. If we take a moment to think about it, all of us can remember how vulnerable we were when we were children surrounded by the giant adult world.

In a way, our parents were our gods; they represented our only real protection against a confusing and dangerous world. It is damaging enough when a child is traumatized by any adult, but when a child is betrayed by his own father or mother, that betrayal has a tragic and lasting effect. So, what does all this have to do with homosexuality? When talking about a child's reaction to trauma, it is important to understand that we are dealing with a scientific, repeatable phenomenon called conditioned response, discovered and made famous by the Russian psychologist Ivan Pavlov.

In Pavlov's ground-breaking experiment, a dog learns to associate the ringing of the bell with food; soon he salivates at the sound of the bell even when there is no food. This associative technique can apply to anything; it is employed in just about any family situation. For this reason, almost any problem of compulsive behavior that a person might have can be clarified by understanding what went on in the homosexual's family.

  • Topics of Tension in the Parent and Adult Child Relationship

Once we realize that we have all gone through something very similar, we just manifest it differently, then we can have the compassion necessary to understand homosexuality. Patterns In many years of counseling, I have dealt with countless family situations conforming to the following pattern. Two boys are born into a dysfunctional family, composed of a cruel, confusing mother, and a brutal father perhaps an alcoholic who is rarely at home.

Now, the anger and resentment which the victim mother feels for the father is unloaded on these boys. She unconsciously hates men, beginning with her own alcoholic father, but extending now to her husband - and becoming a cumulative traumatic experience for her sons.

Because of the different dispositions and status of the two boys, one rebels from her control and one conforms.

One way or the other, the boys have been traumatized away from their natural center, their true personhood. There are many types of dysfunctional family disorders. One of them, of course, is overt homosexuality. The other is connected to the same pressures that cause homosexuality, but manifests in an entirely different way: This compensation could well include any other traits of the child's father by association. So, for example, the boy could take on a veneer of religious values, picked up from his father by association, rather than by any true insight.

This is the basic process by which one brother becomes homosexual while the other enjoys an apparently normal life.

Parent-child relationships and sexual identity in male and female homosexuals and heterosexuals.

Both boys carry a great deal of anger just beneath the surface - unconscious feelings of resentment toward the parents who failed them. As it is passed from generation to generation, this continuous flaw in the nature of the family structure itself can be cured only by overcoming denial barriers and facing hidden anger. Ironically, great political power can be derived by simply exploiting the existing rage that millions of people feel about their family experience.

Radical Berkeley, California, is full of leftist posters that call for overthrowing "the patriarch. Abnormal Choices In the case of the two boys, the mother's daily pressure on her rebellious son traumatizes him to side with his errant father.

In such an emotional state, where common sense goes out of the window and there's more heat than light, there are only two lifestyle options available: Both are obviously abnormal choices, since the child wants and needs the balance of both parents.

So one errant son sides with his angry father rather than take the identity of his mother as his effeminate brother did. But again, just as his brother found a false femininity, he finds a false masculinity, laid on like a coat of paint rather than drawn naturally from within. This "macho" brother bonds falsely with various traits of his father's association - like Pavlov's dog - perhaps his father lifts weights and talks tough.

This bogus identity becomes the son's chief form of denial, and if that isn't enough of an escape from the thing he unconsciously fears the most - his latent femininity - he turns to other forms of addition for comfort. The question is, why is he in denial? You don't actually "succeed" in your rebellion, but become slowly transformed into the likeness of what you hate. The reason for this is simple; you cannot hate without feeling guilt, hate being a destructive emotion - and you especially cannot hate your parents without guilt.

You unconsciously relieve the guilt by bonding to the very thing you hated, by way of compensation. But the main motivation compelling the macho son to escape is to avoid seeing what he has secretly become at the hands of his dominating mother. He is much more affected by his childhood bonding to her than he can ever admit to himself. Clinical, the rule of thumb is simply this: Reject your father and, no matter what, you will become overly influenced by your mother.

Sadly, there are many young men in America who are losing their grip on their true masculinity in this way. Simply put, it is the mother's instinctive responsibility to nurture the children, to protect them from the harsh realities of the world that they are too young to face.

On the other hand, the father's instinctive responsibility is to bring the children into the reality of the world, to see to it that they are strong enough and independent enough to start another nuclear group - another family. So therefore, there must be a healthy balance of these two types of love, one earthy and compassionate, the other a kindly but no-nonsense type - a tougher, masculine love without which the child is in danger of becoming spoiled and immorally wild, unable to make his way in the world.

These studies examined links between structural variables e. The individual tensions in this study may reflect parents' worries and irritations regarding their children's progress as adults.

Cause of Homosexuality: Poor Parent-Child Relationship - by Roy Masters

This study takes these findings a step further and indicates that parents and adult children who report these tensions also report more ambivalence and less affective solidarity. It is interesting that individual tensions appear to be less detrimental for relationship quality than relationship tensions.

It may be that parents and children are less likely to communicate their irritations regarding individual tensions. For example, parents may experience irritations regarding their children's finances or education that they never communicate and thus these problems are less detrimental to the relationship overall.

It is also possible that these tensions are less detrimental because they reflect worries or concerns for one another rather than fundamental relationship problems. Limitations and Directions for Future Research There are several limitations that should be addressed in future studies.

This sample is somewhat unusual and may be highly functional because the majority of parents were still married to one another and willing to participate in an extensive survey. Thus, although we sought to develop a more comprehensive assessment of tensions, we may have underrepresented families that are less functional and that may experience more severe tensions such as neglect, abuse, chemical dependency, and psychological disorders.

It is also unclear from the cross-sectional design whether relationship quality ambivalence, affective solidarity predicts changes in tension intensity or the reverse and future studies should examine these associations over time. Future work should consider the implications of tensions for both indirect and direct assessments of ambivalence.

Finally, further research should assess the types of coping strategies used in response to tensions. For example, some parents and adult children may avoid discussing a particular tension whereas others may argue. This study advances the field by examining perceptions of tension topics among mothers, fathers, and adult children and the implications of those tensions for affective solidarity and ambivalence. This study is also highly unusual due to the large number of African American families included.

The majority of studies in the family literature have only included European Americans. Thus, our findings are more generalizable to a diverse population. This study demonstrates the importance of considering multiple perspectives of relationships. Parents and adult children who are in the same relationship have different perceptions of the causes of tensions and those perceptions may have differential implications for relationship quality.

Tensions are associated with greater ambivalence and lower affective solidarity. It is important for researchers and practitioners to be aware that the perceptions of tensions vary between families, within families, and within person in regards to different relationships. This study also indicates that structural and developmental variations in tensions depend widely on the topic of tension and that certain topics of tension may be more harmful to the relationship than others.

These findings have important implications due to the long-lasting and far-reaching effects of the parent-child relationship on well-being, health, and support. Next steps include examining how parents and adult children cope with tensions and the implications of those tensions for relationship quality over time. We would also like to thank Kristina Hartman and Nicole Frizzell for their assistance with manuscript preparation and Brady West for his assistance with the statistical models.

The following manuscript is the final accepted manuscript. It has not been subjected to the final copyediting, fact-checking, and proofreading required for formal publication. It is not the definitive, publisher-authenticated version. The American Psychological Association and its Council of Editors disclaim any responsibility or liabilities for errors or omissions of this manuscript version, any version derived from this manuscript by NIH, or other third parties.

The published version is available at http: Negative interactions in close relationships across the life span.

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Tensions in the Parent and Adult Child Relationship: Links to Solidarity and Ambivalence

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