Lessons About Power Struggles in a Relationship | HuffPost Canada
Karley Sciortino Slutever relationship power struggle For the first year my girlfriend and I were together, we kept our relationship open. over and over, not to have the upper hand, by always dating controlling women. Could you do an article about how to handle power struggles in friendships? And it's the same with any kind of power struggle, whether relationship drama or attempts by . Women and Drama · Fighting in a Relationship: Causes and Cures. Every romantic relationship has a power dynamic. While men are just as likely as women to say they wield less power, the costs of feeling.
This is actually a very important phase in a relationship because it's where you create your relationship "contract. Therapists say that we all have a relationship contract and the reality is, once it is set in place, it's not so simple to erase it; to change it, you actually may need to break up.
You have about a year to write it -- figuratively speaking, of course. I find this to be a great analogy of relationship building, and when you think of it as a contract, you're more likely to take seriously the choices you make or the actions you take. Power should be equal. What happens if one person isn't pulling their weight, whether that means not doing the chores or being lazy or not making an effort romantically? Is it ever okay for one person to try to change the other, if they do it with good intentions?
Personally, I don't think it is ever a good thing for one person to exert power over another. But I do agree that in relationships there is always a bit of an unwritten rule that we have -- things we will tolerate or not tolerate, qualities we seek in our partner, and how we behave ourselves. This is where the contract comes in.
The problem is, when we're in our 20s or 30s, we are still changing and growing and the type of "agreement" we make with our partner at that time might work then, but a decade later we could want to change it and that creates a new power struggle.
Who wears the pants in a relationship matters – especially if you're a woman
I think that's why a lot of break-ups happen: Be honest about what you're going through. Should you try to avoid power struggles or embrace them? Either way, I think you need to be honest with yourself and your partner. Try and think long-term about your life and what you want out of it.
As time goes by in your relationship, be honest with your partner about how you feel during the changes you experience in your life, and let them know that they can be honest with you about their own changes and feelings. It's important to "love with honesty"share open communication, not place blame and remember that the WAY you tell someone how you feel is just as important as WHAT you say. It's about addressing the core issue and being true to one another. Overall, the key to longevity in love, I think, is to know yourself well enough to have the confidence to lay out the terms of what you want out of your relationship and what you don't want in the most romantic way possible: I guarantee you will be shocked at what you discover.
If you actually can get over your pride and culturally programmed thinking long enough to apply what you learn, then I promise you WILL get better results. If you actually can get over your golden vagina entitlement issues, and post-feminist culturally programmed thinking about men long enough to apply what you learn, I promise you WILL get better results.
Why do Relationships end up in Power Struggles Between Men & Women?
The result is that it is now scary for both men and women to do much of anything to improve life between men and women. We sit and stagnate. We atrophy with every day we continue to do nothing to wake ourselves up and create a new way.
We now have normalized a modern system that is really only equal in our equal abuse of each other. Progress is working together with our focus squarely on what actually works and not on trying harder to follow the confusing and outdated norm better. The map is not the territory. My 18 years talking to men in my office, about the things they never tell anyone else, causes me to believe this with confidence.
We must first wake up to it, in order to honor it. If we desire real, then we must be brave and offer what we have first so we can have the experience of what it feels like to do so and generate a response in return.
Looking separately at women and men, we found that it was only women who thought the quality of their relationship changed depending on how much power they held.
- Looking below the surface
- Paying more for having less power
When they felt subordinate to a male partner, they perceived the relationship as less stable and less intimate. They felt relationships in which they were dominant were just as stable and intimate as ones in which they were subordinate. They were also subject to coercion and abuse. This was true for 12 women who held less power in a relationship including two who depended on a partner for basic needs like housing — and even for three who felt like they had more power than their partner.
7 Ways Men Control Women via the Power Struggle – Patrick Wanis
On the flip side, two men in our study said they had controlling girlfriends, but in neither case did this mean there was physical, sexual or emotional abuse, as it did for the young women.
Men are less likely to worry about the possibility of being assaulted or abused by a female partner. For men, having less power in a relationship is an exception — and usually a benign one — to the rule.