15 Quotes that Will Change the Way You Treat People
Oct 19, During most of my early dating years, I was drawn to guys who treated me badly and learned to settle for less than I deserved from relationships. May 6, If you have to ask this question, you either had a fairly decent childhood and good relationships with your parents or you are in a relationship or marriage that is. Apr 4, The good news is you can change the dynamic of your relationship with that person. You can stop accepting bad treatment from someone and.
Again, due to conditioning, I do not notice initially when I'm being disrespected. I was not valued as a child, so it feels normal to me, that is, until it gets out-of-hand; which it always does when I fail to set boundaries.
I give too much benefit of the doubt. When my boundaries are violated or someone disrespects me, I automatically assume they aren't aware of what they're doing. I immediately forgive them without protecting myself first. Instead of standing up for myself, I attempt to convince them that what they are doing is wrong. Why do I keep teaching them how to wipe? I overvalue the relationship at the expense of my dignity. I need and want relationships in my life which is a healthy desire.
I don't want to be alone, therefore, I place more value on keeping the connection than I do on protecting myself from being trampled or bull-dozed by abusive or controlling behavior. Technically, this cognitive distortion is caused by Betrayal Blindness that I acquired from childhood trauma.
I try to prove myself worthy when disrespected, rather than asserting a boundary. I try to get the other to cooperate instead of standing up. I remind you what a good friend, lover, family member I am.
I bring up the ways I care for you and expect the same thing in return. This is at the heart of codependent merging behavior--trying to change how they're thinking instead of thinking for and about myself. And, it doesn't work. The only thing that shows another person you are worthy and valuable is if you ARE worthy and valuable. The only way to be worthy and valuable is if YOU believe it.
When you know your worth, there is nothing to prove. I want to believe that someone I love is perfect and would never disrespect me.
I pretend the world is Pollyanna and rearrange my reality by believing that someone I care about will not harm me. I live in a fantasy, delusional fairy-tale that ends up being a hellish nightmare rerun. Just because I love someone does not guarantee they will treat me well. I always need to protect myself by setting limits no matter how much I love the person.
I assume the other person feels and thinks like me. My goal in relationship is to always think of the other person's feelings, to protect them and keep them safe--this is the codendent's curse.
I wrongfully assume that other people have the same standards for me. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. There are mean-spirited, selfish, rotten people out there--and I've been hurt by a lot of them. Still, I ignore all the warning signs and give myself away.
There goes my heart as it runs from my brain. I need the relationship, so I take more than my share of responsibility. I want to keep the relationship intact no matter what. I take responsibility for the other person's behavior instead of staying true to myself.
When someone violates my boundaries or disrespects me, I become Mother Theresa and try to fix it.
How to React When Someone Treats You Badly - Step To Health
I learned this in childhood to survive. I keep forgetting I don't need it anymore. I don't want to offend anyone, even if they're offensive to me. I am extra careful of stepping on the toes of loved ones out of fear they will abandon me. I don't want to cause them pain, even at my own expense.
I try to keep them safe from feeling badly for hurting me by hiding my truth and ignoring my needs. In exchange, that person farts on my head. Gee, thanks--you know who you are. I am blind to the truth that another person will hurt me on purpose.
Self Love U: 25 Reasons You Let People Treat You Like Shit
I can't fathom that someone I love and care about will hurt me in any way consciously or unconsciously. Instead of protecting myself and setting limits, I try to get them to see the err of their ways. I abandon my own identity in favor of helping them validate my identity for me.
C'mon and cooperate will ya??? Although I'm learning that it's not healthy to assume that others even those you love will always be giving, loyal and thinking of my best interests. Even the nicest people in the world take advantage of you if you let them.
Someone has to take care of me I try to validate myself by trying to get you to validate me. Due to childhood conditioning, I feel inherently wrong or invalid. I need validation that I haven't yet learned to give to myself. I've been taught to seek external validation. I try to convince you to validate me by proving to you that you're wrong in disrespecting me.
I need the other person to admit that they are the piece of shit, and I am the sweet honeysuckle soap. Why do I need this? I am a magnet for people who play power and control games. My relationships are usually based on power and control, however unbeknownst to me. I am playing a game that I let them win. I am playing in a game I don't want to play, that I don't know how to play and worse, that I don't even know is being played, yet I always end up the loser.
The cards were counted long ago. I over-empathize with others.
I take responsibility for the other person's feelings while abandoning mine. I feel more uncomfortable for the other person than I do for myself, even when I'm being abused, discounted, rejected, disregarded or ignored. I have an overabundance of empathy for the other person and zero for me; even when no empathy is being shown towards me. This is the victim role that promises heaven but takes me to hell. I automatically assume that others are right and I am wrong.
When I am being violated, my first thought is that I am wrong in some way. I am wrong for feeling hurt. I am wrong for expecting respect. The confusion of not knowing which end is up keeps me from asserting myself.
I don't know what respectful behavior feels like. The concept of being respected for who I am is foreign to me. I feel like I have to fight for my own identity by convincing others to validate me.
I don't have an internal working model of relating in a healthy, respectful and self-affirming way. My only guide is the mistakes that I have made and my desperation to know true love. I become entangled with narcissistic, selfish and exploitative people.
I have been taught to put my head on the chopping block. I allow myself to be used. I am blind to the grooming phase of narcissistic, blood-sucking behavior. I am most comfortable being a victim. I've been taught to be selfless in response to the selfishness; to value giving myself away more than holding onto my power. The universe keeps bringing me what I do not realize I am asking for I feel uncomfortable when someone else feels uncomfortable for disrespecting me.
I take too much responsibility for other people's feelings. I am so busy trying to help the other feel okay, that I neglect how I feel or what I need. Instead of using my energy to take care of myself, I use it to protect the other person from feeling badly about hurting me.
I hide my own truth and keep quiet instead of standing up. I am more emotionally attuned to the other person than I am to my own self.
I love others with all my heart, then they take my heart away. I ignore actions that show that the other person is un-empathetic. I am not cognizant of my right to be heard, understood and respected.
When someone is un-empathetic and invalidating towards me, instead of setting a boundary, I work harder trying to convince that person to feel for me.
It's like I get stuck on this sentence. This is why and how you are hurting me, don't you agree? I am trained to seek agreement with the other as to what is right and wrong.
5 Signs Someone You Love is Treating You Poorly (And How To Stop It)
I do not decide for myself. I withhold judgment of what actions are devaluing, degrading or abusive unless it's a blatant slap in the face. I seek consensus before taking action on my own behalf. This powerlessness keeps me in the victim-cycle. I wrongfully think that unless I get agreement from the other party, I do not have the right to assert myself. But now these are mind and psychological games.
So, we tend to look for signs that a guy is into us. But this is all bullshit. What more do you need him to do in order for you to accept this fact? There is nothing easier than for a player to sweet talk you into staying by his side. He is not concerned about your problems, is never involved when something important is going on in your life, and is not concerned about your well-being and needs in general. What is all of this telling you?
So, you hold on to his words and small tokens of his affection, hoping that things between you will change or you keep making excuses for him. How do you treat the people you love? You use every possible opportunity to show them your love, you put them first, listen to them, you never belittle them, you remember all the important dates in their lives, and you are always there for them. So, why do you accept different treatment for yourself? No matter what people say and despite the condition modern dating is currently in, this is not acceptable.
You know you deserve better and more. You deserve to be treated as a princess and you deserve to feel like you are the only woman in the world. The same goes not only for romantic relationships, but for every other relationship in your life.